Starting again from 0

I feel like I should be writing something cathartic and observant in light of the upcoming dramatic change in my life, but I can't really think of anything.  I suppose I'll just do this to catalogue what's got me up at 3 in the morning.


In 6 days, 23 hours, and 12 minutes as of this writing, I will land at Glasgow International Airport, delays allowing.  As of right now, I have almost all of my possessions I have deemed not-trash in 4 bags in my room at my mom's apartment; I feel this is both lacking and extraneous, as I'm probably bringing more than I strictly need, but I'm terrified I'll forget something I really do need.  Most of it is clothing, frankly, a lot of which I may not wear frequently enough for it to really be worth schlepping across an ocean, but it makes me feel just that little bit better about my travels.  Most important things include: Beary, laptop (though I'm on that right now), chargers, passport w/visa, Cherokee flute, the otter that I hang over my bed, paper memories.

Once I get to Glasgow, Jess Lennon will pick me up at the airport and escort me back to her flat, where I will be staying for the first week.  Due to my annoyingly early arrival time, coffee will probably be consumed.

Sidetrack: People.  I've already talked to two of my classmates on Skype, Hamish and Freya.  I really like them.  I truly hope they like me, too.  Truth is I fancy the one, though I'm hesitant to say so, having never met in person.

Unnecessary ambiguity.

I'll have a very full day to spend in Glasgow on the 19th.  I have no idea what I'll be doing, but it'd better be full, or I won't be able to stay awake.  I have something like £90 with me for pocket money, with which I will desperately attempt to be frugal.  I don't have high hopes for that, with the copious temptations of deep-fried food, theatre, and alcohol for fast friend-making.

I've been living, for all intents and purposes, by myself for over a year-and-a-half now.  There's no reason for me to be this anxious, save for the inherent anxiety generally surrounding moving to a new country.  I adore change, I really do, but at this moment, with my current mix of sleepiness, restlessness, and late-night internal discord, I feel drastically underprepared for this particular change I'm facing.

Technically, my housing and tuition have yet to be payed (due to purely moronic actions on my part) but that is being rectified later today, within the next 7 hours if all goes well.  What this translates to in my head is that I could still change my mind for another 7 hours; while I don't predict too much of a struggle on that one, my tummy's churning a bit at the thought of a possible emotional meltdown leading to stupid decisions.

On more positive notes, however, I'm incredibly , irrefutably, undeniably excited.  The idea of starting with a blanker slate than I've had since birth is a weighty thing, but so far I think I'm looking forward to it.  I will have a new city to explore, new people to verb with/at/for, and unimaginable new opportunities.  But, of course, this late especially, negative tends to overshadow positive.

I've already had reports from a source or two that, from my visit back in April, a few people already question my "genuineness", which, I'm surprised to find, is an actual word.  They didn't use it, but I thought I was making it up just now.  The only solution I can think of is just to say what I actually mean.  Obviously, during my visit, I was trying too hard to impress and make a good first impression.  I think I'll have a safe space to really say what I mean, but it's a scary thought.

Hoorah for problems that have lasted through the gauntlet of high school.  At least I'm handling them better than I did last I was a freshman.

I'm probably better off leaving this here.